Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
