So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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