They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
