did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You ruined the universe
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
