I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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