my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize