I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i think i just lost a toe
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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