the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
