Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
