My first STD was from a foam party
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
