she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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