I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
