So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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