i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
