I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
