i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
