Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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