forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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