We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
