He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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