you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize