Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
