his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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