He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
