saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
