Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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