Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
