so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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