I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
