I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
be right there i have to get my cape
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
