I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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