Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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