Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
