Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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