I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
