my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
