there's paper in my vomit.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize