Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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