im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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