good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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