Kiss
Puke
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
