I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize