Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Farmville is her only friend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
