Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
