Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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