I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
