chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
