she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
