Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
