DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
