I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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