I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
