We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
