my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
