Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My bed smells like the plague
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
