11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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