just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
