I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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