He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
