The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
