It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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