I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
