Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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