A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
