i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
