TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
