im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
