My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
