We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am available for nakedness
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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