We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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