She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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