Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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