walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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