Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
