My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Alive.
So much puke
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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