I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
