The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
