One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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