My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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