Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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