i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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