yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
