Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize