I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
40s are totally the cure
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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