i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
