he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
