I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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