After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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