I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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