Non-Jews are for practice
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
