32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize