Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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