He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
