Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
