the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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