I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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