Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
