My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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