Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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