I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
