I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
