We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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