Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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